Friday, July 3

Allergic to my own body.

I have this weird allergy, you see ...


I can't say I'm terribly ill or something, I just have a million insignificant, life non-threatening problems. Like knee, elbow and just-about-everywhere-else exostosis, shortsightedness of -4.0 and -3.o, crooked toes, unexplained weird headaches, unexplained lower back pain that sometimes made me stay in bed, unexplained 37,5°C temperature I had for a whole month, weird food poisoning last summer (also unexplained - they couldn't decide what was wrong with me - salmonella, e.coli or colitis? At the end it was nothing) ... and so on and on. Nothing special, just little things to make my life more interesting. *sigh*

I don't consider my self as a hypochondriac but when I sum all these things up it looks like there's something terribly wrong with me. System error.

However ... What I wanted to talk about was my incredible inability of dealing with pain or even thinking of it. I have my own way of dealing with it - I just put my body to "stand by" and the pain stops. I just pass out. I tried to stop it but my brain subconsciously turn my body off when it aches too much. Or when I think about it too much. Here's an example:

Last October I added something to my list of things that are wrong with me. A weird groin pain that started during the tumbling practise. Nothing new, happens all the time, comes and goes. But not this one. I eventually gave up my tumbling classes. My coach said it must have been the groin diaphragm. I didn't even know I had one. He said I should rest and it would soon be better. Well, he said that in November.
It hurts more and more now and I started nagging about it. So my friend told me she had the same groin pain and she found out she had a hernia. OK, what? She said I should just cough really hard and then check my groin for any bumps.

OK, *cough* *cough* ..and then that movie started inside my head: "There something sticking out of your body! A weird bump! Yuck, you'll need an operation. Do you even know what hernia means? Your intestine has perforated something in your stomach. They'll have to operate it and you'll get anaesthesia, a million of injections, cuts, blood, scars, stitching, flesh..."

Well, the next thing I remember was me, waking up, lying with my head off the sofa, all shaky and sweaty. What has happened? Oh.. my weird body turned my head off again ... Nothing new ...